“Pass the baby” anxiety: Why moms are setting boundaries this holiday season
Picture this: you’re at a family holiday gathering, sipping lukewarm coffee while your newborn is passed around like the breadbasket at dinner. For many moms, @jenmariegreer’s viral TikTok hilariously captures what feels like every new mom’s worst nightmare. Her video struck a chord with many moms who shared their own anxiety about the “pass the baby” phenomenon during holiday gatherings.
But why does this seemingly innocuous tradition hit so hard for new moms? Let’s explore the science, the emotions, and the cultural expectations that make setting boundaries for your baby both essential—and surprisingly challenging.
@jenmariegreer Anyone else have MAJOR anxiety with “pass the baby” Thoughts on newborns at gatherings??? #postpartum #momtok #postpartumjourney #newbornbaby #newborn #babywearing #babywrap #babycarrier ♬ original sound – jenmariegreer
The root of the anxiety
Newborn Vulnerability Is Real
It’s not just about being overprotective—newborns really are more vulnerable during those first few months. Their immune systems are still developing, making them more susceptible to illnesses like RSV, flu, and COVID-19. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, even minor illnesses can pose significant risks for infants under six months.
Postpartum Emotions Amplify Everything
Let’s not forget what you, the mom, are going through. Postpartum recovery is a rollercoaster of hormones, sleep deprivation, and emotional overload. It’s no wonder that gatherings can feel less like a Hallmark movie and more like a high-stakes juggling act. When you’re already running on empty, setting boundaries can feel like an impossible—or even confrontational—task.
Related: Mom pleads with Grandma not to kiss newborn on the head in viral TikTok
Been there, done that
I’ll never forget the awkward silence after I told my family—before my baby was even born—that there would be rules for visiting. “Wash your hands before holding the baby. If you’re sick, stay home. And no kissing the baby, period.” Cue the side-eyes and muttered comments: “Isn’t she being a little extreme?”
Was it fun? Absolutely not. Did I care? Also no.
I’d read enough about newborn illnesses to know I wasn’t willing to take chances. But the emotional toll was real. I didn’t want to seem like the bad guy, but the thought of my baby getting sick outweighed my need to please anyone. It’s not easy standing firm, especially when you feel like you’re breaking some unspoken family rule.
Looking back, I know I made the right choice. And if you’re in the same boat, trust me—I get it. It’s tough, but your baby’s health is worth it. Hang in there—you’re doing the right thing.
Setting boundaries: Hard but necessary
The cultural expectation of “sharing” babies
In many families, there’s an unspoken rule that everyone gets a turn holding the baby—it’s seen as the polite thing to do. But for new moms, the pressure to hand over their baby often clashes with their instinct to protect.
One mom summed it up perfectly in a comment on Jen Marie’s video: “I hate the looks I get when I say no, but I refuse to compromise my baby’s health for someone else’s feelings.” Her sentiment was echoed by hundreds of others, proving that while the guilt is real, so is the resolve to stand firm.
Why moms are pushing back
It’s not just about germs—it’s about rewriting the rules on what’s acceptable for moms and babies. More and more moms are unapologetically prioritizing their child’s safety over outdated traditions. And honestly? It’s about time.
Related: Nurse reminds people why you shouldn’t kiss a newborn baby: ‘Put those lethal lips away’
Practical tips for navigating holiday gatherings
How can you get through the holidays without completely alienating your extended family? These mom-approved strategies can help:
Communicating boundaries
Set expectations clearly and calmly with these go-to phrases:
- “We’re limiting how much [baby’s name] is being held today to keep them safe during flu season.”
- “I know everyone is excited to see [baby’s name], but we’re being extra cautious about germs right now.”
- “Thanks for understanding—it’s just what’s best for us this year.”
Protecting baby’s health
- Baby-wearing: Keeping your little one snuggled up in a carrier makes them less accessible for unsolicited cuddles.
- Handwashing Rules: Make it a non-negotiable for anyone who wants to get close. (Pro tip: Setting up a hand-sanitizer station can make this less awkward.)
- Consider Skipping: Sometimes, staying home and celebrating with a smaller, trusted group is the safest—and least stressful—option.
Creating alternatives
Can’t make the big family gathering? Host your own mini celebration or opt for a virtual meet-and-greet. Many families have embraced FaceTime or Zoom as a way to stay connected while keeping little ones safe.
The emotional side of saying no
Let’s get real—setting boundaries isn’t easy. You might feel guilty for disappointing loved ones or even question if you’re overreacting. But here’s the truth: protecting your baby doesn’t make you the bad guy.
In fact, advocating for your child’s safety is one of the most loving things you can do. And guess what? It’s okay to prioritize your own peace of mind, too. As one mom put it, “I’d rather deal with an awkward conversation than a sick baby.” Amen to that.
Standing strong together
The holidays can be magical, chaotic, and a little overwhelming all at once. But as moms, we’re in this together. Whether you’re navigating RSV season or simply reclaiming your boundaries, know that you’re not alone.
Got your own tips or stories about “pass the baby” anxiety? Share them in the comments below—because every mom deserves to feel supported during the season of togetherness.
And remember: your baby, your rules. The rest? Well, they’ll get over it.
