November 12, 2024

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4 Bad Habits The Happiest People Avoid, According To A Psychologist


As a psychologist, I often get asked: Doesn’t it get depressing listening to people’s problems all day long?

Honestly, not really. And here’s why:

You can learn a lot about how to be happy by carefully observing what makes people unhappy.

After a little back-of-the-envelope math, I estimate that over the last 5 years I’ve spent 6,250 hours in conversation with people who are unhappy enough to see a therapist. Now, I’m no Sigmund Freud. But it doesn’t take a genius to see some patterns emerge with that much data.

Specifically, there’s a set of habits unhappy people tend to get stuck in, and these same habits are usually absent among consistently happy people. Of course, there are often biological and environmental causes of chronic unhappiness. But as a psychologist, my job is primarily to look for the behaviors that lead to both emotional suffering and well-being.

Here are 4 bad habits the happiest people avoid, according to a psychologist: 

1. Worrying about things you can’t control

You’re never going to be happy if you’re constantly worrying about the future and dwelling on the past.

Human beings are wired for control. We crave influence and power like almost nothing else. And for good reason — not only did it allow our ancestors to survive long enough to pass on their genes, but it’s enabled our species to thrive and progress to incredible heights. From curing polio to putting a man on the moon, our need for control is a powerful agent of progress.

Unfortunately, it cuts both ways…

Trying to control things we can’t control is a recipe for misery.

No matter how good we get at controlling certain aspects of our lives, there will always be things hopelessly outside our control. Two big ones are the past and the future.

Obviously, we can’t control the past. And while we do have influence over the future, it’s far less predictable or certain than we would like to believe.

So why do we spend so much time worrying about the future and dwelling on the past, even though it leads to so much stress, anxiety, and unhappiness?



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